"Slight" waxing mishap. PRODUCT REVIEW INSIDE!

Yes there are a few email stories, similar to this, floating around the internet.. But this is my ACTUAL ACCOUNT of what happened to me September 7, 2008! lol.. enjoy!

Let me first just say... I'm a genius. :) SO.. I bought me suhmma' that "Sally Hanson Spa Body Wax Hair Removal Kit" stuff.

I know.. I might be crazy, but I also have a VERY high tolerance for pain, especially when it's self inflicted.

ANYWHO.. So.. I read the instructions.. Microwave 30 seconds, stir... microwave in 10 second increments until it is warm, but not too hot.. need to be easily spreadable..

mmkay.. Got it...

I take my purple tub of goo into the bathroom...

I'm trying not to chicken out.. Go big or go home weenie.. So I think to myself "Self, we're gonna start with the inner thigh.. Not a whole lot of hair there, it's all going the same direction, it's a little on the longish side, and we can gauge the pain level there..." Ok..

So.. I take my little stick. I scoop some purple goo on it.. I apply it to the inside of my thigh (right next to bikini area) Take my little cloth strip thingy.. I rub it on in the direction of the hair growth 3 times (as per the instructions), I grab the little 1/2" strip it says to leave yourself, I pull the skin nice and taught, and I RIP quickly in an upward movement!

R-R-R-R-R-R-RIP!!!....

What's this? No pain?...

I look down...

NONE OF THE WAX CAME OFF ON THE STRIP!!!

Now I have purple goo STUCK to my thigh and hand! Great.. I hobble over to the counter to try and figure out how to get this shit off.. Now my thigh is sticking to my other thigh AND my girl parts... I look like I had sex with a Giant Grape!.. friggin awesome.. My hands are sticking to everything I touch..

This is just beautiful.. I read through the damn instructions like 20 TIMES!! How the HELL DO I GET THIS WAX OFF!!!!!

Ok.. My mind is racing... Rubbing Alcohol!!!! That breaks apart the goo right?!?!?

So... I douse my hands with rubbing alcohol, then I start trying to rub the goo off my thigh.. Well... It took some of the purple color out... but it's not coming off, and now my hands have EVEN MORE WAX on them!!!

SO.. Again.. Review the instructions.. sloooowly... finally, hidden in paragraph 852 after diagram 343A... There it is.. In the smallest imaginable font..

Use Azulene finishing oil to moisturize skin, reduce redness, leave skin soft and smelling beautiful and remove any excess wax.

I grab the bottle and dump half the contents on my hands, scrub them together, then start attacking my nether regions... It works well on some parts, others (the more sensitive ones) I have to oil my hands and SCRAPE the excess (or should I say ALL OF THE GOO THAT DIDN'T COME OFF WITH THE STRIP BECAUSE THIS BOTTLE OF CRAP WAS A GIANT FUCKING RIP-OFF!!) off with my FINGERNAILS...

Toweling myself off after my experience.. I hugged my bottle of veet and my venus razor and took a bath.